You never want to admit it’s coming.
But I knew when I planned the latest family camping trip, the words I dreaded were possible. “Yeah, Dad, I’m going to hang out with my friends instead.” “Sure, no problem, that’s ok”, I responded.
But honestly, it’s tough. Not just the latest attempt to plan family fun. But the process of watching my concept of who I am as a dad being forced to change.
My days of being solely the “fun dad” are over. And sure, I know that fatherhood never ends. And yes, I am proud of my kids and love watching them grow up.
But when you see your kids outgrow you it stings. My oldest daughter has outgrown my role as the “fun dad”. My younger one is hanging on by a string. Pretty soon, I’ll have to find a new role altogether.
Which one should I choose? “Responsible dad”? “Wise dad”? My kids need some guidance, of course. But what does that mean for me? Where did the fun go? Or maybe I’m missing something.
Not only does the way I’m seeing my role as a father change, but I’m also seeing how I view myself change. Getting older. Not being able to do some of the things I used to do.
“I’m not the same and I can’t do what I used to do. So what does that mean?”
This is quite the convergence of mid life issues.
I offered an alternative plan to my oldest. “How about we go into town and do some shopping and get dinner, then go back to the campsite? We won’t take long hike this time.” “Maybe”, she said.
“Yep, this is the end of an era”, I thought to myself as I began to get ready to leave for my office.
I told her goodbye as I was leaving. She jumps into my arms to say goodbye like she’s done since she was little. I take my time and feel that. Also remembering that nothing matters more than the actual connection. Not the ways we connect or the roles we think we have to take to connect. But the actual connection itself.
It’s easy to spend most of our lives conceptualizing who we are from a place of roles, performing, and doing. But those things are transient. There was a time I wasn’t a husband and a father. There’s going to be a time that I won’t be a father with young children.
Someday they will be adults. So what does that mean for my concept of living through a role?
As our roles change, we’re simply learning something new. We’re being asked to let go and take on something new. Then later, we’ll be asked to do that again.
I’m mostly a good dad. But sometimes I’m not. I can only learn about who I am from the honor of being a dad. And I can do this in any role that life presents to me.
We are only learning. And when we do that, we don’t need to attach meaning of who we are to any role. Not the ones we’ve had, not the ones we will have.
We are simply living our lives in the many ways that life is lived. Nothing more than that. What does matter is being in connection with life and those we love.
Maybe you’ve felt this too. That discomfort when a role you’ve had for years starts slipping away.
Perhaps it’s happening in your career as younger colleagues advance past you. Maybe it’s in a relationship where dynamics have shifted. Or possibly in your health, where activities that once defined you now present challenges.
These transitions aren’t just about getting older, they’re universal invitations to deeper self-understanding.
When our identities become too entangled with temporary roles, we set ourselves up for suffering.
The alternative isn’t resignation but liberation.
What I’m learning through fatherhood applies to every area of life where we face transition. Whether you’re watching a professional identity evolve as your industry changes, navigating shifting relationship dynamics with partners, friends or family. Reconciling with physical changes that challenge how you see yourself. Facing empty nest syndrome or career transitions.
The path forward isn’t about desperately clinging to who you were but curiously exploring who you’re becoming. And maintaining connection, with yourself and others, throughout the process.
Curious as how to navigate your transitions with confidence?
If you’re experiencing your own version of this story and feeling the discomfort as familiar roles shift, I invite you to a free clarity call.
During this conversation, we’ll identify which life transitions are currently challenging your sense of self and uncover where you might be clinging to roles that no longer serve you.
You’ll get a chance to see what coaching is and how it can help gain clarity and a sense of direction.
Set up a free conversation with me
I’ve helped hundreds of clients through similar transitions, whether they’re navigating career shifts, relationship changes, parenting evolutions, or other life transitions that challenge how they see themselves.
I have slots available each week for these transformative conversations. Select a time that works for you, and we’ll explore how personalized coaching can help you embrace life’s transitions with greater purpose and peace.
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Talk to you soon,
John
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