“I’m stuck” might be the one of the most expensive lie we ever tell ourselves.
Everybody has been there. Most people are there right now. Some people live most of their lives not knowing what they want. Then on top that, not knowing what to do to get “unstuck”. It costs us our time, energy, connection, and health.
We think we’re stuck with:
The job.
The decision.
The relationship.
What to do to improve your life.
Then we say:
“What should I do?”
“I don’t know what to do?”
“How do I know if it will work?”
“What happens if it doesn’t?”
“I’m stuck”. These 2 words can feel like it stops our connection with life.
It can lead to depression, distractions, and indecision.
“I’m stuck” has become our default explanation for why we aren’t moving forward, changing careers, leaving unhealthy relationships, or pursuing what truly matters to us.
People frequently spend thousands of dollars a year to talk to a therapist trying to get unstuck.
I’ve heard a ton of it from clients over the years.
I’ve been there many times. I spent a stretch of years in my early 40’s identifying with this state of consciousness. Afraid to take a risk. Self doubt. Anxiety. Depression. Frustration. And I’m a thinker. I can think all day long about things that aren’t happening.
Let’s be real. It sucks.
The Truth About Being Stuck
Here’s the most important thing to understand: you’re not actually stuck.
The state of being unable to come to a conclusion, idea, or action. It’s not your reality. It’s a trauma response.
When we say we’re “stuck,” we’re creating a mental projection that doesn’t reflect our true situation. But the more we label it as real and give it energy, the more real it seems to become.
The Mind’s Hidden Agenda
While nobody consciously wants to be stuck, there’s a part of us, our analytical mind, that actually prefers this state. Why? Because being “stuck” helps us avoid the uncomfortable realities of:
- Change
- Taking risks
- Potentially failing
The freeze state we experience is actually desired by our mind because it creates a problem to solve. The mind is creating a problem then acts on the problem it has created by thinking about it. The mind itself creates the problem it then tries to solve that problem.
Why External Solutions Don’t Work
When we try to get “unstuck,” our mind naturally looks outward for solutions:
- A new opportunity
- A change in circumstances
- External validation
We think: “If only (fill in the blank) would happen, then I wouldn’t be stuck anymore.”
This approach keeps us trapped in the illusion. The mind attaches to external results or information to prove we’re no longer stuck, but this is all an illusion.
The Reality of Getting “Unstuck”
When you truly move beyond feeling stuck, what’s actually happening is that you’re entering a new state of consciousness. The external world hasn’t necessarily changed. It’s your perception that’s changed.
As long as you’re looking for something outside yourself to change or to give you permission to be “unstuck,” you’ll remain exactly where you are. The counterintuitive truth is that attachment to external change keeps us mentally trapped.
Gaining Clarity and Flow
What you’re actually desiring isn’t to “get unstuck”. You want to be in a state of flow, to be fully present in the moment.
Entering flow on command isn’t entirely possible. But it does show us where we want to head.
When you’re truly present, the concept of being “stuck” doesn’t even exist. It’s impossible to feel stuck when you’re fully engaged in the present moment, because being stuck is purely mental activity.
People also desire clarity. You want to know what to do next to help you get closer to what you want. Being present brings you closer to clarity. Don’t confuse trying to figure out what to do with going with the next natural step.
Clarity is personal. It’s not following steps that we think we should take. It’s natural and comes from within. With clarity, we aren’t “efforting”. We are in the flow. And being in the flow, is what we are really seeking.
Entering the Present Moment
So how do we get into this flow state? While you can’t force yourself into flow, you can create conditions that make it more likely:
Do something you enjoy: Activities that bring you joy naturally bring you into the present
Create relaxation: When the mind relaxes, you’re no longer caught in mental loops
Notice moments of calm and clarity: There’s a reason we have insights in the shower. The relaxed body and mind is receptive to new awareness
When your mind is relaxed, you become receptive to insights that can shift your perspective and awareness.
Doing something for the sake of doing it is a good thing to practice. And having fun. That’s a great practice. Fun. Remember that?
You Have to Practice Presence
Staying present isn’t easy. Our minds constantly pull us back into states of:
- Doubt
- Negative thinking
- Resistance
The mind is constantly scheming to distract you and solve issues and problems. It’s got it’s own strategies to gain your attention.
To counter this, try documenting the negative and resistant thoughts that pull you out of presence. Whether through voice notes, writing on paper, or using a note app, tracking these thoughts helps you recognize your mind’s “playbook” for keeping you stuck.
Once you understand the tactics your mind uses, you begin to develop healthier strategies.
Take risks.
Do things you enjoy.
Make time for connection and fun.
Live your life.
Remember being stuck is a mental state, not your reality. Focus on being. Expressing. Creating. Movement. Taking time to feel in your body more intense feelings. It’s all about breaking the mental overload and resistance.
Don’t buy into the lie.
Want to be in a supportive community? I just launched The Life Made Conscious men’s community.
This community is for men who:
- Are ready to be honest about where they’re at
- Want to take action, not just talk about it
- Value personal growth, clarity, and meaningful relationships
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I’ll talk to you soon.
John
What are your thoughts?