There are moments that make you rethink who you are.
I didn’t think one of these would happen in the gym.
I was 38 when my first daughter was just a few years old. At that time I was a dad approaching 40. Is this the terrible mid-life phase people talk about?
I remember thinking: “I feel great. All I have to do is keep up my routine and exercise, and I can be as young as I want.”
I believed that. Completely. It’s hilarious to think about in retrospect.
Then I hit 44.
I’m wandering around the gym at 6am, rehabbing a wrecked shoulder from an exercise I’d done without hesitation for years.
A few weeks earlier, I was on the bench press. Same weight I’d been hitting since my thirties.
It wasn’t moving the same.
Something was wrong with my shoulder. I racked it, frustrated.
Two kids now. Business growing. Not sleeping great. Hair going gray. Brain fog creeping in. Spending weekends recovering instead of living.
“What the hell is happening?”
That’s when it hit me: I am getting older.
I had a choice. Keep fighting what’s happening, or take on a new challenge.
It’s Not What You Think
Here’s what I was telling myself: “I’m losing my edge. I’m getting old. It’s downhill from here.”
Sound familiar?
At work, you can’t maintain the same pace. Those long days that you could power through? Now they drain you.
At home, you’re exhausted by the time you walk through the door. You want to be present with your wife and kids, but you’re spent.
In your body, recovery takes longer. The lifts don’t give you the return. The runs are slower. Your joints are feeling it.
And that voice in your head says: “You’re done. This is it.”
But here’s what’s actually happening: You’re not losing your edge. You’re fighting who you’re becoming.
Fighting what is. That’s what’s exhausting you.
The Pattern I Was Running
For months after the injury, I tried harder at the gym.
More discipline. More pushing. More effort.
My shoulder kept hurting. The more I pushed, the worse it got. And the more out of control I felt.
But the gym was just showing me the pattern I was running everywhere else.
At work: trying to maintain the same pace I had in my thirties, even though I didn’t need to anymore.
At home: trying to be “always-on” instead of the present one.
In my relationships: performing and trying instead of being.
I was fighting who I was becoming instead of leveraging what I was gaining.
What I Was Actually Gaining
When I was 38, I thought I’d feel older. I didn’t. I thought if I just kept up my pace, I’d stay in shape forever.
Then I hit 44 and everything shifted.
But here’s what I realized: I wasn’t LOSING anything. I was GAINING.
Gaining wisdom. Experience. The ability to see what actually matters.
The younger version of me had energy. The man I’m becoming has leverage.
Here’s what that looks like:
Old Strength (20s and 30s):
- Push through anything
- Work longer hours to prove yourself
- Performance equals value
New Strength (40s and beyond):
- Work smarter because you know what actually works
- Trust yourself instead of proving yourself
- Wisdom over hustle
- Presence over performance
When I stopped trying to be 25 again, everything changed.
At work: I stopped trying to maintain the same pace. I leveraged my experience. I focused on what I loved and what I was actually good at. My input became energizing instead of draining.
At home: I stopped being the “always-on” dad and became the present dad. There’s much to be gained when you can be yourself and own your imperfections. Honestly.
In the gym: I found new challenges that were actually rewarding. I wasn’t trying to lift like I was 25. I was training in a way that honored where I am now.
The shift: I’m a human being first. Not a human doing.
When I accept that, life is so much easier.
The Truth You Need to Hear
The man you’re becoming is stronger than the man you were.
Different strength. Wisdom. Presence. Leverage. Discernment.
You don’t need to work as many hours because you know what works.
You don’t need to be “on” all the time because presence matters more than performance.
You don’t need to train like you’re 25 because you know how to train sustainably.
That’s leverage. That’s what you’re gaining. Accepting limitations opens up new ways of being. And new challenges to take on.
But only if you stop fighting it.
This Shows Up Everywhere
That voice saying “I’m losing my edge”? That’s conditioning. Not reality.
You’re creating your own exhaustion by fighting what’s naturally happening.
Every day, you’re going to notice this. At work when you can’t keep the same pace. At home when you need more rest. In your body when recovery takes longer.
And every time, you have a choice: fight it or leverage it.
Most men fight. They push harder. They try to force the same energy they had at 25. They see slowing down as failure.
But facing reality isn’t failure. It’s wisdom.
I’m never going to lose my desire to be challenged. I’m competitive. I’m not going to change, and neither should you.
Don’t let the physical changes you face tell you that you have to lose something. Pivot. Reposition. Meet your changing reality with the same desire you’ve always had.
When your reality changes, just as it shows up in physical aging, know that you aren’t losing anything.
You’re gaining something better.
Start Here
Pick one area where you’re fighting who you’re becoming. Work, relationships, health, whatever.
Now ask yourself: What am I gaining here that I couldn’t see before?
Not sure where to start? I created a free assessment that shows you exactly where you are in these areas. Energy, relationships, work, self-trust, and purpose.
Here are some reframes to get you started:
Can’t work as many hours?
→ You’re gaining the wisdom to work smarter, not harder.
Need more rest?
→ You’re gaining the trust to listen to your body.
Can’t push through like you used to?
→ You’re gaining presence instead of performance.
Choosing Your Next Challenge
The younger version of you had something. Energy. Drive. The ability to push through anything.
But here’s the thing: life doesn’t stop giving you opportunities to face new challenges.
So you get to choose: Do you let aging tell you who you are? Or do you choose how to face this new challenge and apply what you’ve learned?
The man you’re becoming has something the younger version never had:
- The wisdom to know what matters
- The experience to know what works
- The trust to know you’re enough
That’s not a loss. That’s a gain.
The Man You’re Becoming
You’re not as old as you think.
You’re not losing your edge. You’re fighting who you’re becoming.
When you stop fighting and start leveraging what you’re gaining? You find a different kind of strength.
A strength that doesn’t require you to prove anything.
A strength that comes from trust, not effort.
A strength that makes you better at work, better at home, better in your body. Not because you’re trying harder, but because you’re finally leading yourself from a grounded place.
That’s the man you’re becoming.
The question is: are you going to keep fighting him, or are you going to leverage what he’s gaining?
Aging isn’t losing, it’s gaining. You just have to want to see it.
What Pattern Are You Running?
Most men I work with think they know what’s holding them back. But when they actually look, they realize the pattern is different than they thought.
Maybe you think it’s about discipline at work. Or patience at home. Or pushing harder in the gym.
But what if the real pattern is something you can’t see yet?
Here’s a free assessment that cuts through the noise and shows you exactly where you’re stuck. Not what you should be working on. Where you actually are.
The “15 Questions Every Man Should Answer.”
It’s designed for men who are successful on paper but disconnected inside. Who are tired of performing and ready to see what’s real.
And when you see what’s real? You can confidently take on life with renewed energy. The work issues. The relationship challenges. The personal goals. Even the challenges that come with getting older.
You don’t need more discipline. You need more clarity.
Start there.
Learn more about gaining clarity in your life at Life Made Conscious
I’ll talk to you soon,
John
What are your thoughts?