What if the solution to your mental stress and overwhelm isn’t more thinking, but more trust?
I hate losing. But sometimes you’re going to fall short.
You can’t be all the things you want to be all the time.
You are going to fail at something. It’s going to happen.
Last week was one of those weeks. And of course, it was time to overthink and overplan.
I looked at the schedule. A full week of work.
I looked at my free time to find time to work on projects. Nothing.
Then it hit my gut that at the end of the week I was leading my annual men’s retreat. Had to prep for that too.
My mind was ready to go into action. “Let’s get stressed and overthink about all of this!” it said.
I have family obligations also. I need to be a dad and a husband when I get home. All the stressful noise and thoughts in my head were there.
I need to be at least 3 different things, do it effectively, and still have energy to show up like I want to. Sound familiar?
The to-do list and the to-be list was long and overwhelming. Once I took a step back and remembered I could trust things would work out, I was able to relax.
And it was fine. The week. At home. The retreat was awesome. All of it worked out.
So I did fail. I failed at getting all the things I wanted to get done last week. At least the way I wanted it to go. I falied at being perfect last week. But it was all fine anyway.
It got me to wonder again, “Is feeling stressed and overwhelmed necessary?” Or maybe can I limit how much my mind rules my energy and mood.
Most people who struggle with overthinking believe they’re just too much in their head. They try to fix it with more strategies, more frameworks, more doing.
The problem isn’t the thoughts you are having. It’s the relationship you have with your thoughts. It’s about what you trust more: your mind or your knowing what you are capable of and what you want.
The truth is, overthinking isn’t about intelligence. It’s about fear. Fear of letting go, fear of being wrong, fear of what happens if you actually stop managing everything in your head.
When your mind doesn’t trust reality, it tries to control it. It’s like a computer program that only analyzes in one probability. “If I don’t stress about what’s going on, it won’t be accomplished.”
In Aaron Abke’s new book, The 3 Beliefs of Ego, he discusses the strategies the analytical mind uses to keep us stuck in its patterns. The ego mind is convinced it must be the overall doer and performer of every desired outcome. Without listening to its demands, you are in danger.
But that story keeps you in the loop because you’re trying to use thinking to manage what only trust can give you.
It’s like running a race as fast as you can without cooperating with your body and breath. You burn out before reaching the finish line, developing a fear-based relationship with the very thing you’re trying to accomplish.
Think of the guy that can’t see anything else but the things that could go wrong. He’s planning, then thinking. He can’t stop his mind.
But when he’s able to let things be, he sees the real picture. Work will always be there. Family is the reason he’s doing all of this. He connects with them. He remembers he’s been through this before with work. He trusts he can figure it out when focused. Just like he always has.
The practice requires us to recognize what we’re feeling and thinking. Then we acknowledge it’s just part of our conditioned response to stress. Once we give ourselves space to acknowledge our reality, we can practice reassuring ourselves.
We aren’t actually in control. We never were. But it’s that acknowledgement that we can trust ourselves is when the overwhelm can subside.
The only thing that can happen when we don’t trust ourselves is overthinking and stress. Our minds can’t do anything different.
Our mind thinks, “If I can just understand everything, I’ll finally feel safe.”
But safety doesn’t come from control. It comes from trusting that you can meet whatever comes next, even without a plan.
You can’t think your way to trust. You practice it by noticing when you’re in your head and choosing to come back to your body, your breath, the present moment.
Clarity doesn’t come from fixing our thoughts. Our thoughts are actually causing our lack of clarity. Clarity comes from being in the present moment and trusting that’s enough.
Trust isn’t blind optimism. It’s the quiet confidence that whatever happens, you can meet it. You know this because you’ve done it your entire life.
I have a client that’s practicing letting go of what he can identify he’s not able to change. This allows him to remember what he does have influence on. The people he cares about. The things he values. The trust knowing he’s made it through harder things in his past.
Trust starts in the body not the mind. You feel it in your calm nervous system. You feel settled. Your mind is clearer.
Research and probably your lived experience says: Your body has to follow your mind. Your mind creates the perceived reality of overwhelm. Then your body reacts to those thoughts.
Tightness. Quick to temper. Blood pressure rises.
So when we can reassure the mind, and trust ourselves, the body responds in kind.
Grounded. Reassured. Confident.
Try this right now:
Take one breath. Feel your feet on the floor. Ask yourself, “What if I didn’t have to figure this out right now?” Notice what happens when you ask this simple question.
You can start with small things that are manageable. Then you can go to harder things. Like spending the weekend with your parents. The harder the challenge. The bigger the payoff.
You’ve been trained to believe thinking equals control. But clarity comes from surrender. When you begin to trust that you’re okay even when you don’t know, your nervous system relaxes. Your brain functions differently. Things slow down and life seems clearer.
Beneath all that figuring out, there’s something always present. This is what you’re actually wanting. Not more certainty, but more trust that you can handle whatever is coming your way. Because you always have.
Remember that moment when you finally remembered things would work out and they did? That shift from mental chaos to calm presence is available to you right now.
If this post calls to you, I challenge you to catch yourself in one overthinking spiral.
When you notice it happening:
Take that single breath
Feel your feet on the ground
Ask yourself, “What if I didn’t need to figure this out right now?”
Notice what shifts in your body
Reply to this post with your experience, or if you want to go deeper, join the Life Made Conscious Community for men. We’re all practicing this journey from overthinking to trust together.
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For those ready for personalized guidance, I have a few spots open for 1:1 coaching where we’ll develop a specific trust practice tailored to your biggest overthinking challenges.
Set up a free conversation with me
The mind will always try to convince you that more thinking equals more control. But, the real freedom comes when you trust that you’re already equipped to handle whatever comes next, just as you always have been.
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I’ll talk to you soon,
John
What are your thoughts?