You’ve probably heard this before. Fake it till you make it. But what does it mean? Should I pretend to like doing something that I don’t really like for the sake of doing it? How long do I have to fake it? Will I ever not have to fake it? Does this make me “unauthentic”? Anyway you break it down, thinking about doing something for the sake of “hanging in there” sounds kind of miserable. But here’s my take on this one and I do think there’s something very practical and powerful about “faking” our current situation to get a better outcome.
Really this is all about the power of intention. We set and intention and then act on it. This is, and has been lately, easily confused with the concept of manifesting. Such as vision boards, visualizations, etc. While there’s nothing wrong with any of these things many people are missing the key ingredient to actually get the change they are seeking. Taking action. We have to actually change our actions and behaviors. We’re not going to magically feel better if we don’t change what we are doing. This is where “fake it till you make it” comes in. We have to act BEFORE we feel better. Feelings follow behavior. It’s not the other way around. The procrastinator in me would love to think I could just wait to feel better, or different, and then I would have the energy or motivation to act. Not gonna happen.
Do it anyway. Identify the behaviors you know will lead to the changes you desire. Do them. If you know that your mood is improved when you have all of your work done before you come home, then you need to get all of your work done. This might mean you need to get up earlier. Get more sleep. You’re going to have to act before you feel like it. If you want your partner to treat you better, you’re going to have to suck it up and treat him/her the way you want to be treated. Even if you don’t really FEEL like it. See how this works? It’s not complicated but it goes against that part of us that just wants what we want when we want it. Kind of like a kid.
So sit that inner kid in you down and have that talk. “You know things are going to get better but you’re first going to have to change you. And the best way to do that is to change your behavior, ok? I love you and I know you can do this.” There’s something satisfying about taking the time and energy to act through our values instead of through our emotions. It’s a way of sacrificing and showing love for others and ourselves. And that might be the best part of this whole thing.
John Harrison is a counselor in the Cincinnati area providing therapy for men and counseling for couples. To learn more about John and the services at Life Made Conscious, click here.
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