Let’s get this out of the way. My parents were kids once too. So were yours. And they had parents. The reason we turn into our parents (for good and bad) is that we had to adapt our relational behaviors to meet our needs as children. Love, acceptance, affirmation, guidance, physical affection. We need it. Like a plant needs water. We come into the world innocent and full of love and creativity. But we need to survive.
We adapt like a plant to sunlight to get that love and affirmation. So we might learn to please, fix problems, or suppress our feelings. We also might learn to yell, blame, and get defensive. We might learn to be passive aggressive or run away from conflict.
Thanks mom and dad!
We learn in 2 primary ways. First we learn to avoid what we don’t want. Avoiding overwhelm from our mom and/or dad. Avoiding distance and abandonment from mom and/or dad. Also, we learn to do what they did. We learn by following example. Yelling like dad. Passive aggressive like mom.
Embrace those imperfections you possess. It’s part of being human. Own your “not so desirable” behaviors. Apologize. Connect. Respect your shortcomings. Do your best.
When all is said and done, we’re only able to do what we can. No need to blame. No need to project or suppress. We’re all learning and trying to be better people. That includes you and your parents. Even if you are “just like them”.
Welcome to being human.
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