Who hasn’t been disappointed in the lack of progress? Who hasn’t wondered if things will ever turn around for them? Of course we know that feeling frustration about things feeling stagnated is a part of life. One step forward, two steps back? Maybe. Maybe not.
One of the most common things I hear from clients is a worry that “things will never get better”. This is something you probably deal with. And I can say that it’s a common thought that goes through my mind too. We can put a tremendous amount of work into our relationship or personal growth, only to see ourselves revert back to old behaviors.
But here’s the thing. Behavior changes that we make will almost always have hiccups. Strides we make in our lives that make us feel good and proud will almost certainly be followed by a regression. This is not the problem. The problem is how we view these lapses or setbacks.
Think about how much we look at things in our life from a linear point of view. We want the stock market to increase. We want to see our careers progress. We want to learn from our mistakes and move past them. We want to heal from old wounds and hurts and not look back. But that’s not how life works. It’s not even how the world and nature works.
Life follows a cycle. Nature follows a cycle. Human behavior, personal growth, and relationships follow a cycle. Just because we have a setback or a lapse in progress does not mean we are doomed to repeat past failures or mistakes. Once we learn something new we have to give ourselves some patience to learn and practice our new ways of being. Just because our partners make positive changes in our relationship does not mean they won’t make mistakes in the future. We are imperfect beings.
Instead of seeing life on a linear staircase that we climb sequentially, think of life as a spiral staircase. It moves upward, but at the same time we go around in a circle like pattern, or a cycle, that allows us to revisit old mistakes and parts of self that need more attention, patience, and room to grow. Just as a spiral staircase moves upward slowly, you too are moving upward even though it seems like you are seeing the same things over and over. But yet, when you look down you see that you’ve actually been moving upward the whole time.
Life is hard enough. Having no room for your learning process to be imperfect just makes life harder. Next time you feel like you are not going anywhere, take some time to look down and see just how far you’ve actually climbed.
Peace to you and your process.
John
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