Frequently I hear from clients that they did like or did not connect with their past therapists. It could be easy to say that it’s just a simple matter of “there are a lot of bad therapists out there”, but I think it goes deeper than that. Getting therapy that works is about finding a therapist that you fit with. One that is getting what you, or you and your partner, need.
Just because someone has gone through graduate school, or received a doctorate, does not mean that they are automatically an effective therapist for your needs.
(image courtesy smarttherapist.com)
Here’s a brief list of some things I would suggest anyone look for when choosing a counselor or psychologist to work with.
Find someone who:
–You feel a connection with and you feel comfortable talking with. If you are not sure, refer to the people closest to you and noticing what about them makes you feel comfortable. Your personal life, current issues, past issues, traumas, it’s all sacred. It should not feel as if you’re “just another client”.
–Encourages you and supports you. Even as adults, it’s important that we receive acknowledgement for our accomplishments. It’s also helpful because it assists us in gauging our progress.
–Can be honest with you. Let’s face it, it’s hard to hear someone’s thoughts on ourselves but it’s necessary to receive constructive reflection.
–You feel that you honestly express yourself with without fear of being criticized. Being told what you are thinking or experiencing by a therapist is wrong is…well…wrong.
–Is meeting you on your level and for your needs. There was no chapter titled “you” in those books the therapist read in grad school. A good therapist is meeting you where you are, not where they want you to be.
–Does not make you feel pressured to do anything. You should feel free to say no to something you are not comfortable with.
–Does not talk down to you and is not egocentric. A good therapist remembers that they are human first and their credentials are a distant second. Because they know they are human too, they use that as a basis of connection, empathy and understanding.
–Does not make you feel as if they are “just treating your diagnosis”. A diagnosis isn’t “you”. The focus on therapy is not solely on your diagnosis. The focus is on you as a whole person.
What kind of things are important for you, or would be, if you were looking to work with a therapist?
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