Do you ever have those moments of clarity when you say to yourself “of course, that makes sense” or “I know this to be true and I can feel it in my gut”? Funny how that works. I was talking to a trusted friend of mine recently and the topic of “providing proof” came up. In other words what obligation do we have to feel the need to “prove ourselves”?
Getting our worth by our actions
Hardwired into our brains and sense of self is this need we have to perform. It starts early. Getting good grades in school, excelling in athletics, and pleasing our parents. All of these are examples of our learned behavior that makes us feel obligated to prove our worth to others. And we learn it well. We learn it so well that we take this into adulthood. And it’s in adulthood that we find that this tactic starts to shoot us in the foot.
What have you done for me lately?
Sure, proving ourselves has a valuable function. It helps us get ahead in our jobs. It gives us feedback on our performance in those jobs and even in our relationships. Heck, as a man, I know most men spend much of their energy on providing proof of themselves. Being a good father and husband. Fixing problems at home and at work. Being strong emotionally and physically. But what happens when that feedback from others isn’t there? What do we do when all of our efforts go unnoticed, or many times they are misunderstood?
Breaking the dependent cycle
How free would you feel if you didn’t need people to tell you that you’re “ok”. Or that you’re needed? What if you could fearlessly take risks that catapulted you into a new way of living, relating, and doing your life’s work? It would feel good, right? Well, that’s where all of us are headed, if we allow it.
Does it feel good to get praise and acceptance? Sure it does. Is it helpful to get feedback from others. Sure. But we can’t be dependent on it.
Life does what life does. And a lot of times it’s kicking us down. Helping to show us that we don’t need proof to know who we are. it shows us where we CAN do it. Where we CAN be a sovereign individual able to express and do what we do best. And not because we’re looking for praise or acknowledgment, but because it’s simply what we do. Our actions become a seamless part of WHO WE ARE. Instead of doing something to get that reinforcement from others of what we want them to think about us. Those people in our lives that really care about us and love us are going to accept us. The person that is perfectly imperfect. The one who makes mistakes. But it’s the same US that knows that deep down we’re alright. And we don’t need that feedback or proof to remind us that we are ok.
We’re all on this journey. And we’re all trying to figure it out. And the more we look inside instead of outside, the stronger and more confident we’ll be.
Let me know what you think? Do you struggle with having to prove yourself?
Leave a Reply