Mike (a client of mine, not his real name) comes into my office. I can see he’s not doing well. I ask him what I ask everyone when I see him. “How’ve you been?” He barely makes eye contact. Something is obviously bothering him. “No”, I say, “how ARE YOU doing?” He gets emotional as he tells me what’s been happening in his life the last few weeks. Mike is like most men. He works hard, tries to take care of his family the best he can. The problem is that he doesn’t tend to allow other people to know if he needs help. Or at the very least he doesn’t have someone that he feels he can tell the truth to when it comes to what’s going on with him.
How many times do we get asked “how are you doing?” and we just simply say “fine”? The thing is that we aren’t fine. Hell, who is fine right now? Heh, not many people I know. So with all of your efforts to take care of your work, family, and marriage when are you taking the time to feel your own feelings? You don’t. And most people don’t. So what do we do about it?
Here’s a little know secret. We’re emotional beings. And I’m not talking about being overly emotional. I’m talking about just simply being able to share what we’re feeling with someone we can trust. And here’s another secret. Most of us weren’t taught that feeling our feelings and sharing those feelings was an option or was a good thing. Now, I’m not talking about going up to the next cashier that asks how your day is going and spilling your life story.
But…who in your life do you feel safe with sharing your problems or emotions with? A friend? Your spouse? A family member? You need someone. The good news is that there’s probably someone in your life that does want to be closer to you and connect with you. The reality is that you have to do some work to make that relationship work. There’s 2 good really good books I give to my clients that can really help.
I Don’t Want to Talk About It by Terry Real
A Man’s Way Through Relationships by Dan Griffin
Pick one of these up, or both, if you’re curious. Drop me an email and let me know your thoughts.
Hey, I’m putting together some men’s groups for the fall (October time frame). Small groups of men (5 people or so) We’re going to be helping each other be better people, husbands, fathers, and professionals. Interested? Send me an email. Or keep an eye on more details as fall gets closer.
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