When I posted my blog about how men in relationships and their lack of vulnerability, I promised that I would follow-up with something about women. It’s not that we need to bash men or women and our flawed relationship strategies, we just need to shed some light on why they’re dysfunctional. Let’s just call a spade a spade.
I previously mentioned the obvious change in women across the last several decades and how it has changed relationships. Part of that change is the empowerment of the individual woman. The strengthening of boundaries. The courage to say no and stand up for one’s self, especially in relationships. This is all really important stuff.
So where is that a problem in relationships? To keep it simple, a completely autonomous stance of “I don’t need you” doesn’t send a good signal of relational stability into the marriage or partnership. Let’s face it. Men need women and women need men if they’re committed to being in a relationship. It’s yin and yang. Cats and dogs. Peanut butter and jelly. To forsake the man in the relationship and his needs is just as bad as the man withholding from the woman.
To be fair, most women I see in couples counseling do not take this approach. It something, however, that can potentially undermine the empowerment of the relationship.
Think of it like this. You’ve fought hard and have done a lot of personal work getting back in the boat with your partner. You’ve been able to take control enough to help him steer the boat, or now you’re steering it all together. Great! Now don’t go and sink the boat by undermining the needs of the relationship.
(Courtesy to Terry Real and the Relational Life Institute for his coined phrase “I was weak, now I’m strong so go screw yourself.” If you’re interested in learning more about relationship empowerment and how to navigate 21st century relationships, check out the link to his site.)
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