Your partner can’t read your mind. 3 things to ask yourself.

Yeah,  yeah.  We all know that our partners can’t read our minds.  But do we really get what that means?

Are you frustrated that you can’t seem to get what you need?  Are you not feeling understood by your partner?

Ask yourself these things:

• Did you actually tell your partner what you want him/her to do for you?  If not, why?

It makes sense that we should tell people what we want but we often don’t.  Reasons of viewing self, or needs, as unworthy is common.  Simply not knowing how to ask might also be contributing to the breakdown in communication.

• Do you feel like it’s his/her job to know what you want?

It’s not your partner’s job to know what you want and need.  They can learn more about what you want them to know but only if you communicate your wants and needs to them.  A good way to know if you’re stuck in this mindset is if you feel resentment towards your partner (and others for the same reasons).

• How are you communicating what you want?  Is it in anger?  Does your partner seem to get defensive easily?

Communicating is one thing.  Feeling entitled to “vent your frustrations” on your partner because “you feel you have the right to” is another thing.  If you are mad because you’re not getting what you need, it might be because your behavior is pushing your partner away.  When your partner feels threatened, it’s harder for him/her to listen to you because they are on the defensive when you are acting out your anger.

You deserve to get what you need from your relationship.  To make that happen it’s vital that you see how your communication, or lack of it, might be getting in the way.  Your relationship deserves better openness. So do you.